


I Didn't Know I Was Lost

by addictedtofics



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff, Ficlet, Fluff, Hale Fire Anniversairy, M/M, Mentions the Hale Fire, The Hale Fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 03:24:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5075968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addictedtofics/pseuds/addictedtofics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Open up to me, Der.”<br/>“Stiles, please just leave it. I'm fine.”<br/>“Derek! You are not fine. It's the anniversary of the fire. I just saw you cry. I didn’t even know you could cry.” Stiles whined, frustrated.<br/>Derek placed his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes, growing more and more agitated.<br/>Stiles had been dreading this day since the anniversary last year. Derek had locked himself in his loft and hadn't opened the door, not to anybody. For a week. He wouldn't answer his phone. He didn't eat, he barely drank. He didn't exercise, he didn't shower. Stiles was the first one in the door when it was unlocked, coaxing Derek into the shower, getting in with him when he was unable to stand up on his own. He hadn't slept either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Didn't Know I Was Lost

“Open up to me, Der.” 

“Stiles, please just leave it. I'm fine.”

“Derek! You are not fine. It's the anniversary of the fire. I just saw you cry. I didn’t even know you could cry.” Stiles whined, frustrated. 

Derek placed his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes, growing more and more agitated.

Stiles had been dreading this day since the anniversary last year. Derek had locked himself in his loft and hadn't opened the door, not to anybody. For a week. He wouldn't answer his phone. He didn't eat, he barely drank. He didn't exercise, he didn't shower. Stiles was the first one in the door when it was unlocked, coaxing Derek into the shower, getting in with him when he was unable to stand up on his own. He hadn't slept either. 

He had stood with Derek, fully-clothed, holding him up and stroking his face comfortingly. He made sure Derek washed thoroughly. Stiles helped him out and ushered him to the sink, he made him lean against the sink, he held Derek’s toothbrush out to him. Derek had stared at it blankly, as though he had forgotten what to do with it. Stiles pulled Derek’s hand to him, he put the toothbrush in Derek’s grip. He had to put the toothpaste onto the toothbrush, he had to direct the toothbrush into Derek’s mouth. Then Derek took over, scrubbing at his teeth like there was a specific spot he needed to scrub away. Stiles let him scrub until his gums started to bleed, then he forced the toothbrush from his hand and guided him to sit on the toilet seat. Stiles bent in front of him and looked into his eyes but just found glassy orbs staring back at him, it was like he was looking straight through him. Stiles shaved Derek’s beard down to his artful stubble.

Stiles had dressed him and sat him on the sofa, he hurried to the kitchen and cooked him food. Mountains of it, to make sure he got all the vitamins and the like that Derek would have missed out on in the week. He arranged it all in front of Derek and placed a plate on his lap. Derek looked through Stiles, staring at the blank wall. Stiles had to feed him, coax Derek’s open and even close his jaw to wheedle him into chewing. He had changed Derek’s bed sheets before pulling Derek down onto the bed with him, Derek’s head on his chest and Stiles’ hand carding through his hair until Derek drifted to sleep, his face relaxing from his constant frown.

The next morning, Derek had been back to his normal self, still grumpy but in his socially constipated way, not the sad grumpy way. He had awkwardly thanked Stiles for all he had done the previous day, with his head still resting on his chest, when he had tilted his head to look up at him, his face so earnest, so genuinely thankful. That Stiles couldn’t stop himself from leaning down further and catching Derek’s lips with his own. The kiss was so gentle, so tentative, Stiles had had to lean back to make sure this was actually Derek Hale, grumpy, surly Derek Hale, who shoves Stiles into walls and slams his head into steering wheels. Derek looked so content, so relaxed, Stiles couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face.

***

So this time Stiles wasn’t taking any chances. It was a year later. They had been together for a year as of next week and Stiles was not going to let Derek go through this on his own again, so he had turned up to the loft at 12:01, pushing through the door just as Derek was about to lock it. Derek had stared at him, venom in his eyes as though that alone would make Stiles leave. Stiles walked straight past him heading straight to the bed, shucking his shoes and jeans on the way there. He snuggled down onto what had become ‘his side’ and patted the space next to him. Derek reluctantly shut and locked the door and dragged his feet on the way over, his face glum as he lay next to Stiles. Rigid. Stiles manoeuvred him so he was cuddled into him, in almost the exact position they had taken just under a year ago.

The next morning, was when they ended up here. Stiles had woken up and gone to make Derek breakfast in bed but when he returned, tray in hand, Derek was nowhere to be found. The shoved the tray onto the bed and went to investigate. He found him in the shower, he was sat curled up with his arms clutching round his knees, shoulders shaking. Stiles couldn’t tell because of the running shower but Stiles was almost certain Derek crying. Derek. Big, strong, manly Derek was crying. Stiles couldn’t believe his eyes, he had never even imagined Derek crying, the thought had never occurred to him. Stiles rushed to his side, dragging him close to his chest, unaware and uncaring of his t-shirt getting soaked through. He pulled Derek up and wrapped him in a towel. As they made their way to the bedroom, Derek seemed to stand up straighter, muscles tensing. He pulled away from Stiles, staring at him as though he was a stranger. He circled his arm around Stiles’ waist and walked him to the bedroom door, he pushed him out and slammed the door, the door almost connecting with Stiles’ nose.

Stiles stood outside the door, bewildered. ‘What just happened?’ He came to his senses and tried to get the door open but was unable to move it. He tried again, using his whole body weight with his shoulder against the door, but the door wouldn’t budge. He let go of the handle just as the sound of moving furniture was heard. Derek had pulled the wardrobe in front of the door. There was no way Stiles was getting in. “Derek, what’s going on? Are you okay?” He asked growing alarmingly worried. Derek ignored him. Stiles slid down the door and sat with his back in front of him, listening to try and find sounds of movement. He heard drawers opening and shuffling. It felt as though he had been sat for hours before he finally heard the sound on the wardrobe being moved. Stiles scrambled to his feet, Derek’s door swung open and he shoved past Stiles, fully clothed, their shoulders bashing. He felt something hit his back, he turned to find one of Derek’s jumpers, Stiles had almost forgotten his t-shirt was soaked. He quickly changed and walked over to join Derek on the sofa.

“Hey, Der.” Stiles said, rubbing over Derek’s back, comfortingly. Derek gave him a half-hearted sidelong glare.

“Open up to me, Der.” 

“Stiles, please just leave it. I'm fine.”

“Derek! You are not fine. It's the anniversary of the fire. I just saw you cry. I didn’t even know you could cry.” Stiles whined, frustrated. 

Derek placed his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes, growing more and more agitated. “I was not crying. I don’t cry.”

“You’re completely allowed to cry, you know that right? Nobody will think less of you. _I_ won’t think less of you.” Stiles replied, tears gathering in his own eyes. Derek looked up at him, growing anxious.

“Stiles, please don’t. Please please don’t; not for me.”

“I just want you to trust me. I want you to be able to talk to me. I want you to know that if talking about it will make you feel better, I’m here. I’ll listen.” So Derek talked, he talked for hours. He talked about how noisy the house would be, how annoying Laura was, but how much he loved her anyway, how nosy she was but how he knew he could talk to her about anything. He talked about his parents, how loving they were, how patient, how caring. He talked about his dad teaching his about cars and his mum teaching his how to bake. He talked about his cousins. He talked about how nice it was to watch the kids play in the woods, both human and werewolves. He talked about training the baby wolves, how sweet they looked when they shifted, how cute their baby growls sounded. He talked about Kate, how their relationship had been, how it had happened. He talked about getting called out of school. He talked about how on the way home, he and Cora had felt such gut wrenching pain on the way home that the deputy had to pull over so they could throw up on the side of the road, how they knew, the just knew, that their pack was dead, their family was dead. He talked about how as they got nearer the smell and sight of smoke overwhelmed them. He talked about how the fire was still blazing when they got there, the smell of burning flesh scorching their nostrils. By the end they both had tears streaming down their faces, Derek’s shoulders wracking with silent sobs.

“I hate to see you cry. I hate that this happened to you. I hate that fucking bitch and I wish I was the one who killed her, for doing this to you baby.” Derek’s lips lifted slightly at the ‘baby.’ “Oh shut up.” Stiles smiled slightly.

“Thank you. I-just- thank you.” Derek stuttered. “I love you.” Derek’s face distorted with shock.

“You what?!” Stiles asked incredulous. Derek stared.

“You know what, I do. I love you, so so much. You’re the first person who I’ve spoken to about the fire since it happened and I actually feel a bit better. I love you Stiles.” Stiles grinned widely.

“I love you too.” He said, the tears streaming down his face for an entirely different reason now.

***

After that year, they spent the day the same way. Stiles would sit and listen to Derek’s happy memories of his family until they’re both grinning like loons. Derek never said anything about Kate or the actual day of the fire after that first time, but that was okay. Derek would always cry, at least one tear, but that was okay too, Stiles would kiss it away and wipe his own. Derek would always tell Stiles he loved him and thank him at the end of the day and then in a week they would celebrate their anniversary.

**Author's Note:**

> Come and play on tumblr: [sterekstyles](http://sterekstyles.tumblr.com/)


End file.
